Attention Deficit David

Did someone tell Jello about shots?

Did someone tell Jello about shots?, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

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Farmers market

Farmers market, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

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Now 33, Recently 29

Now 33, Recently 29, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

Tall ships

Tall ships, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

Water chain

Water chain
Originally uploaded by davidjschloss

Portland carnival, tilt-shift version

Portland carnival, tilt-shift version, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

Time Trial

Time Trial, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

Party

Party, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

What did you do today? Win your age class in a Duathlon?

What did you do today? Win your age class in a Duathlon?, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

Willy Wonka

I had a scheduled MRI of the head today (ruleout any issues in my skull that might have been causing my recent headaches) and since I'm claustrophobic, I took an anti-anxiety medication first. I find that thrashing and screaming is not conducive to MRI exams, generally speaking.

It had a bit more of an effect on me than I expected. Here's a bit of my day.

Wake up, take pill. Forget all actions before the doorbell rang as Wil arrived to drive me to the exam.

Enter Wil's car and begin to program the GPS. Wil hands me remote control for the Tom Tom. Memory ends.

Arrive at the parking lot of the center. Memory ends.

Enter the building, ask directions, notice an Au Bon Pain.

Check in at the MRI place, go to another window and sign some consent forms. Memory ends.

Taken to the area with gowns, where you can lock up your stuff. I seem to remember the key being on a long wooden stick. I remember putting on gowns.

Someone tells me to lie down on a bed. They put headphones on me. I vaguely recall bad lite FM style music. Memory ends.

At some point I open my eyes, look at the machine, close eyes and go back to sleep.

At another point I wake up suddenly and move around. I'm worried I've ruined the test.

My next memory is at Au Bon Pain, where I'm pretty sure I got a bagel, and we decide to go to Panera Bread instead. I don't know how this happens.

I have no recollection of arriving at Panera, nor of ordering. I do have a memory of eating some soup-in-a-bread-bowl and giving Wil the bacon from my half-sandwich.

Somehow we go to a Korean deli and I end up with Mochi, Kim Chi and a strawberry drink I haven't had since Japan. Memory ends.

I take my cat from the bedroom out to the lawn and lay on the hammock. Several hours pass. During that time I must have checked email on my phone, because I responded to a few people.

I wake from the hammock (I'm assuming) and eat a Mochi. It's the first I recall eating. There are lots of wrappers around. Memory ends, but apparently I left the cat in the kitchen.

I head upstairs where it seems I write some blog content and deal with some IMs. I might have just agreed to launch a blog about women's foot issues, for all I know.

Abby comes home and we notice that there's one Mochi left, out of the eight-pack. I begin to congeal memories again but I'm still acting odd. We go to dinner and i eat rice pudding while she has fish. And I'm pretty sure i stopped for a slice of pizza, but I'm hazy. Mind you, this hazyness is a good 11 hours after I took the meds.

Damn nature, yo scary

I was outside admiring the array of flora and fauna on display this fine global warming inspired spring day and my eye happened to alight upon the forms of two bumblebees grappling mid flight in the act of copulation and reproduction. Somehow their bodies managed to form a graceful arc up toward the sky, my eye still able to see them flapping as they reached treetop, my ears still attuned to the glorious buzzing of their wings.

Glory be to God for all things in his kingdom are right and good and OH MY GOD A BLUEJAY JUST ATE THEM.

Amazon is pissing me off

Forgetting for a moment the whole scuttle over Amazon and the issue of whether they're against LGBT titles, but the company is starting to piss me off.

I paid extra to have two items shipped to me for next day delivery. $3.99 each for two items, which will incidentally go in the same box. (I have Amazon Prime, so my base rate is already covered.)

Instead of shipping it UPS red label, so I'd have it by now, they shipped it ground, from a local distribution center that has about a one-day shipping time to my house. That's not the same thing at all.

A note to my readers

I have not been neglecting writing. I've been writing in invisible ink.

Wow

Go watch this, now. The whole thing. Yes, I mean it. Don't just watch a few minutes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Tip of the day: webcam as mirror

Tip of the day: webcam as mirror
Originally uploaded by davidjschloss

Random thoughts from today

I got up at about 7:00 a.m. to pee and stepped in cat poop. I had to hop to the bathroom on the other foot and wash it off.

Segue

We ordered Chinese food tonight from the excellent Johny's Wok. We haven't ordered in a while partially because we've been cooking at home to be more frugal and partially because I've been traveling less, which means I can go to the grocery more.

The delivery guy, who I think is one of the owners came to the door and said to me, "what, did you lose our menu?"

Chinese food plus guilt. Must be kosher chinese.

photo.jpg

photo.jpg, originally uploaded by davidjschloss.

Heat™

Press Release - For Immediate Distribution

Nyack, NY March 15, 2009, David Schloss, Inc., the developers of the popular Air™ brand breathing product announce their newest development, Heat™ warming environment.

Air™, a proprietary blend of gasses has been used for generations as the leading breathing product, and is found across the globe. The success of Air™ has lead to many other great products, including Moist™ brand dampener and Night™, the leading nocturnal context.

"Heat™ is a major development," explains company president and Chief Thing Officer David Schloss. "Heat™ ties together all of our other products into a cohesive mix that will help us to further revolutionize living and is part of strategy to create Environment™, our upcoming Existence Matrix."

Heat™ works by agitating molecules, creating a perceived warmth or warming sensation. When used in combination with Air™ or Moist™, Heat™ has different effects. With Moist™ the product creates a greater experience of Heat™ than when used with Air™ alone. Some people prefer the drier experience of Air™ and Heat™ together, which is is part of the power of the existence matrix developed by David Schloss, Inc.

"We designed these products to be used as part of the recently ratified Existence Standard, ISO 99999, which means that Heat™ will work in conjunction with third-party products like Chill(sm) and Bask™, produced by Schlanderson Corp.," says Schloss. "Likewise, Heat™ can be used in conjunction with Sun™ or Chemical™, from Flanders, Inc."

Heat™ is available anywhere that humans reside in one of six different kits, including Match™, Flint™ (with optional Tinder™),Lightning™, Heat Starter™, Heat Pro™, Heat Home™ and Heat Ultimate 2009 XP™.

Mice Wars

I've begun spray painting the back ends of the mice we catch to try to see if they're just fucking with my head. Also to report: moles are incredibly cute, much more active than mice, and loud.

If you see a mouse with fluorescent orange legs and ass, please do not bring him to my house.

Product Review - A Bananna

My friend Dan Havlik, who took over my old post at PDN as Tech Editor tweeted recently that he thought he could review a banana at this point if someone paid him to do it. Clearly I have more get-go than he does, because I'm going to do it here for free.

When God exiled Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden, he did so because of the ingestion of a certain pomaceous fruit as common to we northeners as the coconut is to those who live in the tropics. Despite the oddity of Elohim casting people out of a paradise because they partook of a fruit not at all common to the region (the term "apple" simply meant a fruit that was not native) for my money Jehovah might have been a bit more upset had Eve and Adam enjoyed together a banana instead.

Bananas, which are part of the Muscaeae family are indigenous to the tropics and Southeast Asia, though our review banana came, according to its label from Brazil and so might vary slightly from the bananas produced in countries like China, Ecuador, Columbia and Brundi, but our sample unit seemed to meet the specifications of the fruit in general, that is to say that it was firm, yellow and had just the slightest hint of fruit aroma. It evoked, in short, a feeling that one was actually in the tropics not just partaking in a fruit derived from there.

Our banana came, typically, in a bunch along with several other bananas not used in this review. Other bananas in the review sample seemed to have been produced just slightly out of specification, with one slightly brown on one edge and another one displaying a bit of green on the edges. This is not uncommon in bananas and is one reason why users must pay attention to the selection and to the purveyor.

The reason that Yahweh might rather have selected a banana than an apple was immediately obvious upon use of the review unit—just holding a banana produces a slight giggle at the erotic nature of the object. It's is by definition phallic in a way that an apple will never be.

Using a banana could not be simpler as it is equipped with a large pull-tab at the top which serves double duty as a method of securing it to the rest of the bananas, which are called a "bunch." Pulling back the tab reveals the inner fruit which is often secured to the packaging with numerous strands that are used in the reproduction of the fruit, again a reason why it might have been better placed in Eden.

The test banana yielded good results when a knife was applied, it separated in uniform and firm sections and did not display either the crumbling nor mushiness that's often reported by users. It's possible that other bananas in the same bunch would exhibit these qualities, but that was not the case with our review unit.

As is often done we deployed the banana over Rice Krispies cereal, a perfect showcase for the texture and flavor of the banana, which ads much to the otherwise bland cereal. Other regular uses for bananas are in breads, covered in chocolate (again more erotic than the apple) and by themselves.

While the banana was flavorful I did notice an odd itching sensation upon eating it, but that's possibly due to an allergic reaction and not due to the product itself.

Bananas are readily available in all good grocery stores, directly via PeaPod and at bodegas and corner markets—whatever the company is doing for advertising, it's working, as the product seems to be everywhere. Even coffee shops and other merchants sell them although at a premium for the convenience.

Sadly, bananas don't travel well, we found that another of the units in the bunch showed serious deformity when transported in a pocket—that's likely the reason for the higher pricing for single-unit sales at some merchants.

Pricing varies depending on geographic location and number of bananas in the bunch.